Filling in the Gaps with The Facts of Life

This is a very real thing that happens to everyone: sometimes in life, you miss stuff. Just basic stuff that everyone knows, but somehow, you don’t. Maybe it’s a word pronunciation, or the existence of certain countries, or very often, it’s a piece of pop culture. For instance, I missed The Facts of Life.

I don’t know how it happened. I babysat a lot growing up, and I watched a lot of Nick at Nite. I’ve seen plenty of Three’s Company. Love me some Cheers. I’ve spent quality time with the Huxtables. But I missed Facts. I only found it recently because Amy Schumer decided to ask random people on the street which Facts of Life girl they’d rather get it on with. I had to know why she was so surprised when one guy, like it was no big deal, said Natalie was the hottest. So I looked it up, found a couple free episodes on Youtube, did my half-assed wiki research, and discovered—The Facts of Life is basically my sitcom spirit animal. 

I wonder what my life would have been like if thirteen-year-old Avery had seen The Facts of Life. I think it’s not over the top to say that I might have been a happier, better-adjusted person. Here’s why:

•  It’s set at an all-girl’s boarding school, and there are basically no men in the show. Not knocking men, but they’re not in danger of being under-represented any time soon.
• When the show began, the girls were in early high school. It ran for NINE SEASONS, so naturally they grew up, but it’s still awesome that this ensemble comedy followed girls in puberty. What do we have now that shows characters that age? Pretty Little Liars? Even the name of the show is icky.
  
• The mentor character is also a woman: their dorm mama, Edna. And she is like the Reverend Mother from Sound of Music level great.
•  So yeah, they’re all ladies, big whoop. But they’re also FUNNY. And they have complicated relationships. Blair and Jo start as archenemies, but become best friends. It’s so interesting to see women relating to each other on so many different levels.
  
• The girls are all super different, and that is okay. None of them are held up as an ideal or a failure. Jo is uncomfortable being stereotypically feminine, Blair is blonde and pretty and in everyone’s business, Tootie is the baby (and black), Natalie is a little heavier and loud and sure of herself. They’re types, but they’re not stereotypes. And again, watching different kinds of girls and women interact is weirdly uncommon.
  
• Perhaps the biggest thing for me, the reason I wish I hadn’t missed The Facts of Life: The show is about real girls dealing with real things. They go through some shit on this show, and they go through it together. How valuable would this have been for middle school me? To see models of girls dealing with real life, and helping each other along the way. This is not a common representation. Usually there is a token girl character (Hello Topanga) and her solitariness pretty much guarantees that we’ll never see her struggle, unless her struggle is shared by male characters. It’s incredibly lonely for a young girl to grow up feeling like she’s supposed to be perfect and crushable, and if she’s not, she should at least be quiet about it.

As an example, let’s look at the episode “The First Time”, in which Natalie (at what looks like 35, but in show years is supposed to be mid twenties) loses her virginity. Or more accurately, gives it away. Which is such a negative saying, why is it implied that virginity has a price? What a discouraging (and dangerous) connotation. But that’s definitely a tangent.

Natalie has been dating her boyfriend Snake (yep, that’s his name) for a year. It’s their anniversary date. She gets all dressed up and they go out for a lovely dinner. Afterwards, he tries to drop her off at home. But neither one of them wants him to leave. And so after some back and forth, he doesn’t.

The next morning, she tells the other girls what happened. They can hardly believe it! But Natalie loves Snake, she feels good about her decision, and it’s not played up like everything changed.  I mean, she feels different, but she is still very clearly herself. She made an informed decision based on her feelings and what Snake told her he was feeling, and it was a positive experience. It wasn’t the best day of her life or anything, but she’s happy.

Then, because this is a story and story needs conflict, Snake bails. He cancels a date and follows up by saying he needs space, and he’s not sure when he can see her again. Natalie is devastated. The rug has been pulled out from under her. Did she do the right thing? Did she somehow ruin this or herself by sleeping with Snake? Is this all her fault? All pretty standard lessons culture teaches us about a girl’s role and responsibility when it comes to sex.

But then something different happens—Natalie refuses to feel bad. She comes to terms with Snake’s actions as something separate from her own, and she doesn’t take responsibility for them. She only takes responsibility for her decision to sleep with him, which she still feels positive about. It was the right thing to do for herself in that moment. If the two of them sleeping together somehow caused Snake to pull away, that’s unfortunate and not what she wanted to happen, but she could not have foreseen that and she is not responsible for his decisions.  She makes peace with the end of her relationship with Snake, and she’s ready to close the book on what was ultimately a very positive chapter of her life, and move on.

Then, as if that wasn't already a happy ending, Snake reappears. He had a lot of thinking to do, and he needed space to do it. He meant literally exactly what he said. He didn’t want to lose her, and he felt like sex had changed their relationship, and he needed to figure out how to process that change. And he loves her and wants to get married!

Okay, so the marriage thing is over the top. You don’t have to marry the first guy you sleep with. You don’t even have to be in love to have sex. But this is still one of, if not the most positive story about a girl losing her virginity ever told on American television. Natalie makes active choices for herself the whole way through. She has sex with Snake because she really wants to! And she completely separates that decision and action from Snake’s decisions and actions afterwards. The story is not framed as ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. It’s more like, people want different things. You can’t control what other people do. You are not responsible for other people’s actions. You can only make the best, informed decision at the time, and if things don’t go as you planned that is okay.

Boy, I needed this lesson in high school.

Some other fun things about Facts of Life:

•  “The First Time” actually ran against the 1988 Winter Olympics, and still placed in the top 20 in its timeslot. This show had legs.
• The actress that played Blair was a devout Christian, and declined to participate in “The First Time”. The producers didn’t force her to, and wrote her character out of the show for the episode. As Amy Poehler says, the best attitude is “Good for you, not for me” and this show clearly got it.
• As stated earlier, The Facts of Life ran for 9 seasons and 209 episodes. It’s nice to be reminded that people didn’t just become interested in “alternative” content (meaning alternative to white and male) when Tina Fey created 30 Rock. Diverse audiences have always existed, and there has always been a market for content that doesn’t fit the stereotypical script. Getting it on air is not about audience attitude—it’s about network attitude.
• Actually, NBC wanted to give it a tenth season, but two of the girls decided—yep, THEY decided—that the 9^th season should be the last. They were ready to move on. Life imitating art—it’s a real thing! And it’s why shows like The Facts of Life are so important.