Thanks Amy, We Needed That

I've seen TRAINWRECK twice. So has Rosey. I promise, it's worth the small fortune a movie ticket costs. 

It's a romantic comedy. But it’s more like a life-that-includes-sex-and romance-and-sometimes-death-too comedy. The film is directed by Judd Apatow, and written by Amy Schumer. Together, they’ve made a new kind of comedy, one that has a place for women and minorities in genre traditionally dominated by a narrow point of view. But this movie isn't good because Amy Schumer is a woman. Schumer is just downright funny, and so is her movie. It’s fresh, interesting, and timely. 

For his part, Apatow has always been interested in women’s experiences. You see it in his desperate attempts to get inside his wife’s head in KNOCKED UP and THIS IS FORTY (using a character played by his actual wife). He executive produced GIRLS. Even FREAKS AND GEEKS was about a teenage girl trying to understand sex and drugs and fitting in. But despite his efforts, his female characters have never quite worked for me. They’re a little too shrill, a little too smug. Apatow has had trouble telling women’s stories partly because he seems to be figuring women out as he goes. But Schumer doesn’t need to figure women out. She is a woman. Her character Amy is feisty, smart, funny, self-absorbed, rude, and not a size 00. She looks and feels like someone you might know. She’s loud, emotionally immature, a drunk, and kind of a slut. She chose this life, and she’s not apologizing for it. Schumer isn’t your typical Hollywood starlet, and her onscreen persona isn’t your typical leading lady.

Her love interest isn’t your typical male lead either. Dr. Aaron Connors (Bill Hader) isn’t a dude with a dark past and a killer smile looking for emotional rehabilitation. He’s not a heart breaker that every woman in the movie wants to bang. In fact, he hasn’t had a relationship in six years--not because he’s immature, but because he’s picky. He’s a smart guy who cares about his job, which is to help people. (Side note: he’s totally BFFs with LeBron James.)

Dealing with more realistic characters means we get a more realistic relationship. I'm tired of watching movies about people who can't function alone. Amy and Aaron are two people who are complete without each other. They're happier together and challenge each other, but they don't desperately need each other. They’re like, real human beings. We’re used to comedies about man children meeting manic pixie dream girls who restart their lives. In this case, Dr. Aaron Connors is the one who pushes Amy to be more vulnerable and accept some responsibility for her actions, and Amy pushes Aaron right back. Spoiler alert: they fall in love.

Case closed, right? We got what we wanted, we can all go home now. Not quite.

TRAINWRECK is more than misunderstandings and dramatic realizations. It doesn't end with them kissing for the first time on a bridge or a roof or on a skating rink. We get to watch an actual relationship and see people learning how to compromise and be together, how to stay together even when it’s hard. We get to watch two people who claim to be in love actually be in love.

There's this amazing moment when Amy first spends the night and Aaron spoons her. And she's visibly uncomfortable and says, "If I'm going to spend the night, can we sleep in a realistic position?" I've seen the scene where the woman lays there uncomfortably and you laugh because you get it, but Amy just outright says it. “Can you move? Can we change this? This isn't working for me.” And he's a little annoyed but says okay and they sleep realistically. 

This is real communication people. It’s not pretty, but it gets shit done. 

And just because it’s not pretty doesn’t mean it’s not sexy or fun. Maybe the most refreshing thing, the thing that makes this a new kind of blockbuster, is how often and how well they communicate. Rewind to the night before the spooning, when they have sex for the first time. Amy is writing a magazine story on Aaron, and the encounter starts out as a simple interview. Aaron is showing her some equipment he works with, when Amy has a little breakdown thinking about her family, and Aaron suggests they grab some food to make her feel better. After dinner, he asks if she wants to get a drink. She agrees.

CUT TO: Lights coming on at the bar, and Amy asks him if he wants to share a cab. He has no idea what is going on until he says “two stops,” and she says "One stop... want to give him your address?"

So he does and then we get to watch the implications of that interaction sink in. Bill Hader plays it perfectly. First, nonchalance. Then the recognition of what actually just happened. Then the shocked, almost panicky stare straight ahead—wide-eyed and adorable. He doesn’t do this kind of thing, like ever. But it’s okay, because she does this kind of thing all the time. Back at the apartment, while he’s busy trying to figure out his next move, she’s already taking clothes off. And the negotiation never stops. No one ever forces anything. As she’s undoing his pants, he asks, "Are we really doing this?" And she says, "We're really doing this. Is this okay?" He says, "It's okay, are you okay?" "I'm okay." They check in because they care about each other. They each want the other to have a good time, to be happy, to not feel pressure. No elaborate schemes or tricks or bets or meet-cutes. They just like each other and decide to bang.

It’s not all roses though. Relationships are hard. Staying in love takes work. Both characters mess it up and make it better. It's a team effort because they're a team. She is selfish sometimes, but so is he.
A few months into their relationship Aaron is giving a really important speech. He’s pretty nervous about it. In the middle, Amy gets a phone call, and she leaves. Bitch, right? Well, kind of. You could argue her phone should have been off in the first place, but she's a journalist and it wasn't off and her boss called and threatened her job. He finds her after and rips her a new one. She apologizes and says she answered the phone because she's worried about her job, to which he responds, "That doesn't matter!"

Excuse me?

She failed to support him when he really needed it. But maybe right now he is failing to support her right back. This is the moment when most movies would let her walk away. Miscommunication, it’s the engine that drives conflict. Not here. When she tries to leave, he stops her. This is just a fight! This is what people do! We fight, we make up, and we make it better. These are two people who genuinely love and respect each other, and we get to watch them figure out how to be good to each other. It’s revolutionary that this is considered important or interesting enough to make a film about. It IS important.

Schumer doesn’t just flesh out her main characters; she gives all the other supporting characters a fair shot too. The Asian guy's jokes aren't about being Asian. The homeless guy is charming, not scary. Amy’s boss (hilariously played by a nearly unrecognizable Tilda Swinton) is a rude, selfish, driven woman who is also a mentor; she gives Amy valuable feedback and encouragement--in the same meeting where she fires her. Schumer plays with stereotypes and expectations in order to generate comedy.

The clearest example is the scene when Amy almost sleeps with her underage intern. Clearly he’s learned about sex from porn, and he easily hits all the notes of a female porn actor. It’s a hard scene to watch. What makes you so uncomfortable is the mismatched male body and coded female behavior. Schumer’s point is this: How we are used to seeing women act in films has nothing to do with being a woman or having a vagina. It’s a cultural expectation and anyone can do it. Although it’s not perfect, this perspective also informs how she presents people of color and other minorities.  

Schumer knows what it feels like to be an outsider. She herself is a minority in Hollywood. As annoying as it is that we’re still talking about this, women don’t usually write and star in blockbuster films. Schumer’s experience is different, and makes for an interesting, fresh and funny movie. TRAINWRECK is proof positive that we need diversity because it actually makes movies better. Maybe in fifty years this movie will be boring. It’s just a set of diverse people being humans, not stereotypes. In a generation or two, best case scenario, this is old news, a snoozefest. But for 2015, TRAINWRECK is a big deal.

Go see it! 

"You Still Have Me"

I've written about these two once before. Okay, twice before. They deserve all the posts in the world. Because they are unbreakable.

This is them in the pilot.

And this is them some time later.

See? They've been friends from the beginning until now. And let me tell you, some shit has gone down since then. It is a show with wolves after all. I mean they are wolves. Well some of them are wolves. They are friends even though one of them can spontaneously turn into a wolf and the other was possessed by a psychotic, murderous demon for a month or so. That is friendship, team. For realsies.

So they've been through a lot and they're friends regardless...Blah blah blah.

What's truly amazing is that their friendship is even able to exist. Usually teen shows don't allow for these relationships. Romance takes the lead or it's a family based drama and they're all that exists.

You went to high school though right? Who did you talk to everyday? Who did you text after school even though you were just with them in class? Who did you tell your secrets? Who did you ask embarrassing questions?

You're friends. (That's the answer to all of those questions... I'm hoping anyway or I can't make my point.)

And this show lets them be the most important relationship in their lives aside from their bond with their parents (who know all about their supernatural problems and tendencies FYI because...well, did you ever try to keep a secret in high school? Parents aren't stupid.)

Teen Wolf's premise is based in science fiction and fantasy, but it's rooted in reality leaving these two guys with intelligence, bravery, and above all, loyalty.

In this scene, Stiles has been told he has an irreparable brain tumor. There's no cure. Does he spend a bunch of time telling his friend nothing is wrong? Does he pretend he doesn't care? No. Scott was there for the damn MRI. Obviously this is extreme and few of us would actually bring our friends to the hospital for scary tests, but my point is that they're there for each other through all of it.

These characters are written to be characters you can believe in. Both as heroes and as teenage boys. They're compassionate, they care, but they're also unnecessary risk takers and procrastinators when it comes to homework.


Scott is stronger and faster, but Stiles is often smarter and more strategic. They need each other.

Just because Stiles doesn't have claws or super... anything doesn't make him jealous or Scott resentful. They were friends before so they're still friends now.

Honestly, they'd both be dead otherwise. These two are saving each others lives a lot.

It's a dramatic scene but in one episode Scott is... we'll just say drugged because explaining all the supernatural lore will take too long. Something causes him to think his deepest fears are coming true and all his nightmares are real.

There are a few supernaturals affected and they all try to hurt themselves to escape their personal terror. The group saves almost all of them before they realize Scott is in danger too. So Scott jumps into a puddle of gasoline and lights a flare, prepared to let go.

His girlfriend is there and tries to talk to him, but knows it's Stiles he needs. Stiles steps into the puddle, "Scott, just listen to me. You’re not no one. Scott, you’re my best friend, okay, and I need you. Scott, you’re my brother. Alright, so if we’re gonna do this, then I think you’re just gonna have to take me with you.”

Together, Scott and Stiles are the best versions of themselves. I don't know who you were friends with in high school, but this was reality or at least the dream. Your friends pushed you and cared about you and made you laugh harder than you thought was possible. They were there when you cried even if what you were upset about was a little ridiculous and they warned you not to date that guy.

Their lives are unreal, but their friendship is one of the truest things I've witnessed on TV.

What If Feelings Had Feelings

You've heard of Inside Out. Or you haven't because you live under a rock like substance.

It's Pixar's most recent creation in which we follow Riley, an eleven-year-old hockey-playing pizza-eating badass, as she makes the move from Minnesota to San Francisco. Though the main characters are actually her emotions:

The second I saw this trailer, I was thrilled. I don't think the importance of recognizing and reacting to feelings and emotions is always taught to kids. Parents can do this of course, and some do, but there's still a stigma. It's uncool or weak or lame to feel how you feel.

You should be tougher or keep it to yourself. Well, sometimes you're angry and it's irrational but you still feel angry. Yes, you need to resist flipping over a table and screaming, but you can feel angry. You learn to take deep breathes or take a walk or do whatever you have to do to let joy back out on top.

Mom's Emotions

Inside Out showed the importance of all the emotions. It wasn't just Joy's show. Sure she was at the forefront a lot, but Riley's 11! In the mom's head, sadness was front and center whereas the dad had anger at the helm.

I don't think this means Riley's mom is inherently sad or that her dad is always angry, but as you grow up, you have a base, some state you come back to and it can't always be happy time.

Dad's Emotions

Another quick note in here about the parents... all their emotions are one gender. In Riley, it's a mix. I don't know if this was intentional, but I'd like to think Pixar is subtly showing that Riley perhaps doesn't identify yet as one or the other. Everything about her is developing from her mind to her body and there's no rush to figure it all out at once.




Now onto the plot, Riley has to move, you know that already, and she's not thrilled but not miserable either as she's decided to make the best of it. You know this because Joy is in charge. Fear and Anger take a stab, but Joy wins. This is going to be okay.

Except for then Riley's dad is working too much and her mom is worried and tired and none of her stuff has come on the moving truck and life is stupid, unfair, and really hard. And Joy gets lost. Both Joy and Sadness get stuck in the massive maze of longterm memory. This leaves Riley mad, scared, and annoyed. A great blend we're probably all familiar with - it's not the most productive of combinations. 

My mom was listening to NPR and I guess some neurologists were very huffy and saying this movie wasn't very accurate - this isn't how emotional responses work.

WHAT.

You're telling me there isn't a control panel where a few odd looking, yet colorful creatures fight over which buttons to press and decide what reactions I should have? My memories aren't little glowing orbs? Of course not, but this movie does an amazing job with the metaphor. 

There are adorable moments when some creatures and vacuuming up faded memories like old telephone numbers or state capitals and they mutter to each other, "She won't need that, she has the Internet." Or when you discover there's now an imaginary boyfriend in the mix who essentially has flopping hair and repeatedly pledges, "I will die for Riley." (That's all a girl really wants right?)

Joy and Sadness continue to make their way through Riley's brain, trying to get back to the control center, when they run into Bing Bong, Riley's childhood imaginary friend. He's a myriad of animals which he explains is because he was invented when Riley was three, and animals were all the rage.

So Bing Bong (is that not the best name?) helps them through Imagination Land, Dream Land, and Abstract Thought. He's energetic and happy and BFFs with Joy. They get along immediately and realize they have one common goal - let's help Riley and get her back on track. 

I'm not going to bring you through the plot points of the movie because you should watch the movie. You will cry. You will laugh. You will cry again and then smile wistfully.

It's smart and important and clever and fun. As is Pixar's way, it's teaching the whole time, whether you're learning it all or not. It even teaches lessons I think are sometimes ignored. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to grow up. It's okay to be giddy or scared or annoyed. It's okay to feel. And your emotions are all trying to protect you. They're part of you. They make you you.

You can't give in to any of them all the way and ignore the rest. If you ignore joy and sadness, you're left with disgust, anger, and fear:

But if you ignore fear, you'll never be cautious, and if you ignore anger, you may not stand up for yourself, and if you ignore disgust... you might wear an ugly shirt.

They all have their role and are meant to keep you going. 

Everyone has them too. Even if it doesn't seem like it or they're out of synch with yours. They're there and they are just as important. 

So go on, feel and let feel.

 I couldn't help myself, if you haven't seen the below... Pixar's movie history:

Filling in the Gaps with The Facts of Life

This is a very real thing that happens to everyone: sometimes in life, you miss stuff. Just basic stuff that everyone knows, but somehow, you don’t. Maybe it’s a word pronunciation, or the existence of certain countries, or very often, it’s a piece of pop culture. For instance, I missed The Facts of Life.

I don’t know how it happened. I babysat a lot growing up, and I watched a lot of Nick at Nite. I’ve seen plenty of Three’s Company. Love me some Cheers. I’ve spent quality time with the Huxtables. But I missed Facts. I only found it recently because Amy Schumer decided to ask random people on the street which Facts of Life girl they’d rather get it on with. I had to know why she was so surprised when one guy, like it was no big deal, said Natalie was the hottest. So I looked it up, found a couple free episodes on Youtube, did my half-assed wiki research, and discovered—The Facts of Life is basically my sitcom spirit animal. 

I wonder what my life would have been like if thirteen-year-old Avery had seen The Facts of Life. I think it’s not over the top to say that I might have been a happier, better-adjusted person. Here’s why:

•  It’s set at an all-girl’s boarding school, and there are basically no men in the show. Not knocking men, but they’re not in danger of being under-represented any time soon.
• When the show began, the girls were in early high school. It ran for NINE SEASONS, so naturally they grew up, but it’s still awesome that this ensemble comedy followed girls in puberty. What do we have now that shows characters that age? Pretty Little Liars? Even the name of the show is icky.
  
• The mentor character is also a woman: their dorm mama, Edna. And she is like the Reverend Mother from Sound of Music level great.
•  So yeah, they’re all ladies, big whoop. But they’re also FUNNY. And they have complicated relationships. Blair and Jo start as archenemies, but become best friends. It’s so interesting to see women relating to each other on so many different levels.
  
• The girls are all super different, and that is okay. None of them are held up as an ideal or a failure. Jo is uncomfortable being stereotypically feminine, Blair is blonde and pretty and in everyone’s business, Tootie is the baby (and black), Natalie is a little heavier and loud and sure of herself. They’re types, but they’re not stereotypes. And again, watching different kinds of girls and women interact is weirdly uncommon.
  
• Perhaps the biggest thing for me, the reason I wish I hadn’t missed The Facts of Life: The show is about real girls dealing with real things. They go through some shit on this show, and they go through it together. How valuable would this have been for middle school me? To see models of girls dealing with real life, and helping each other along the way. This is not a common representation. Usually there is a token girl character (Hello Topanga) and her solitariness pretty much guarantees that we’ll never see her struggle, unless her struggle is shared by male characters. It’s incredibly lonely for a young girl to grow up feeling like she’s supposed to be perfect and crushable, and if she’s not, she should at least be quiet about it.

As an example, let’s look at the episode “The First Time”, in which Natalie (at what looks like 35, but in show years is supposed to be mid twenties) loses her virginity. Or more accurately, gives it away. Which is such a negative saying, why is it implied that virginity has a price? What a discouraging (and dangerous) connotation. But that’s definitely a tangent.

Natalie has been dating her boyfriend Snake (yep, that’s his name) for a year. It’s their anniversary date. She gets all dressed up and they go out for a lovely dinner. Afterwards, he tries to drop her off at home. But neither one of them wants him to leave. And so after some back and forth, he doesn’t.

The next morning, she tells the other girls what happened. They can hardly believe it! But Natalie loves Snake, she feels good about her decision, and it’s not played up like everything changed.  I mean, she feels different, but she is still very clearly herself. She made an informed decision based on her feelings and what Snake told her he was feeling, and it was a positive experience. It wasn’t the best day of her life or anything, but she’s happy.

Then, because this is a story and story needs conflict, Snake bails. He cancels a date and follows up by saying he needs space, and he’s not sure when he can see her again. Natalie is devastated. The rug has been pulled out from under her. Did she do the right thing? Did she somehow ruin this or herself by sleeping with Snake? Is this all her fault? All pretty standard lessons culture teaches us about a girl’s role and responsibility when it comes to sex.

But then something different happens—Natalie refuses to feel bad. She comes to terms with Snake’s actions as something separate from her own, and she doesn’t take responsibility for them. She only takes responsibility for her decision to sleep with him, which she still feels positive about. It was the right thing to do for herself in that moment. If the two of them sleeping together somehow caused Snake to pull away, that’s unfortunate and not what she wanted to happen, but she could not have foreseen that and she is not responsible for his decisions.  She makes peace with the end of her relationship with Snake, and she’s ready to close the book on what was ultimately a very positive chapter of her life, and move on.

Then, as if that wasn't already a happy ending, Snake reappears. He had a lot of thinking to do, and he needed space to do it. He meant literally exactly what he said. He didn’t want to lose her, and he felt like sex had changed their relationship, and he needed to figure out how to process that change. And he loves her and wants to get married!

Okay, so the marriage thing is over the top. You don’t have to marry the first guy you sleep with. You don’t even have to be in love to have sex. But this is still one of, if not the most positive story about a girl losing her virginity ever told on American television. Natalie makes active choices for herself the whole way through. She has sex with Snake because she really wants to! And she completely separates that decision and action from Snake’s decisions and actions afterwards. The story is not framed as ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES. It’s more like, people want different things. You can’t control what other people do. You are not responsible for other people’s actions. You can only make the best, informed decision at the time, and if things don’t go as you planned that is okay.

Boy, I needed this lesson in high school.

Some other fun things about Facts of Life:

•  “The First Time” actually ran against the 1988 Winter Olympics, and still placed in the top 20 in its timeslot. This show had legs.
• The actress that played Blair was a devout Christian, and declined to participate in “The First Time”. The producers didn’t force her to, and wrote her character out of the show for the episode. As Amy Poehler says, the best attitude is “Good for you, not for me” and this show clearly got it.
• As stated earlier, The Facts of Life ran for 9 seasons and 209 episodes. It’s nice to be reminded that people didn’t just become interested in “alternative” content (meaning alternative to white and male) when Tina Fey created 30 Rock. Diverse audiences have always existed, and there has always been a market for content that doesn’t fit the stereotypical script. Getting it on air is not about audience attitude—it’s about network attitude.
• Actually, NBC wanted to give it a tenth season, but two of the girls decided—yep, THEY decided—that the 9^th season should be the last. They were ready to move on. Life imitating art—it’s a real thing! And it’s why shows like The Facts of Life are so important.