if we did the things people did in romantic comedies, it really wouldn't work out

Last weekend, my roommates and I watched Baby Boom with Diane Keaton. It's a silly movie from the 80s where a working woman ends up "inheriting" a baby. No longer being able to handle 90-hour work weeks, she moves to VT, meets a hot veterinarian, and creates some gourmet baby food. I can get on board with the baby inheriting and the impulsive move to Vermont and even her starting her own business because she's really smart and really rich and that could potentially happen (though the adoption may have required more than a quick convo at the airport). ANYWAY, it's the single, good-looking, sweet vet that falls for her immediately though she's rude and crying the first three times they meet. Let me tell you, I don't think sporadic sobs and crazy ranting would get me a boyfriend. Though I have to admit I've never tried it. She's not particularly likable in any of the movie, but the second this guy shows up, she's awful.  Her hair is everywhere and she insults his job and refuses his help changing a tire (though she clearly needs it), to which he responds by kissing her.  He also seems to have no problem jumping into a relationship that includes a child, which you'd think a guy might need a second to process.  He's on board though, with the crazy city lady and her baby.

Probably the most obvious scene from a romcom that would severely backfire in reality is from Love Actually. This is one of my favorite movies, so relax, but can we all talk about the scene where the dude shows up at his BEST FRIEND'S house to profess his love to the guy's WIFE. Sure, someone in love is adorable and he's just trying to be honest, but dude, not cool. I immediately like you less because you're completely ignoring your friendship, which is very unattractive and also if you were so in love that you had to tell the girl, one, give your bro a warning and two, you've been around since the relationship started... waiting post-wedding seems a little dramatic, don't you think? If I was that girl, I would not stand there smiling, nor would I chase him down the street to kiss him on the cheek. I guess I wouldn't call my husband to the door, but I'd at least cut the guy off and say he was being inappropriate... and then go upstairs and tell my husband because VOWS.  And if I was this girl's husband, I'd be a bit upset.  It might put a damper on the friendship as well.  Just sayin'.

And what about She's the Man? I understand it's based on that Shakespearian play or whatever but if I pretended to be a guy and became best friends with my crush then was like, oh hey... just kidding I'm a girl (which I'll prove by flashing you... and a stadium full of people ), I would NOT get the guy in the end. I mean, she was super weird too, which I guess isn't means for dismissal - I'm glad they became friends but she talked him into shoving tampons up his nose AND gave you dating advice... for how to date her. That's confusing at the very least because you'll have certain feelings for a person based on your current relationship and how you think that could change. Since the guy wasn't bi-sexual, he views relationships with male and females differently, and then when the girl he thought was a guy yells surprised, he's only mad for a hot second before they start making out. Maybe if I was as funny as Amanda Bynes this could work to my advantage? I feel like in real life, this would end quite poorly no matter who did the gender switch. I mean - can you say friendzoned?

One of my favorite romantic comedies, well really one of my favorite movies, is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, though I'm not sure I'd be as forgiving as these two turn out to be.  I understand that they were both trying to win bets, so in the movie world, these cancel each other out, but think about this... She literally starts dating him to make his life miserable (and does a pretty good job of it, love fern anyone?) and to document it for a magazine.  He's only nice and charming so she'll fall for him and then he can get a big advertising account.  Honestly, his always seemed less offensive to me because it didn't cause him to act insane, though I would be royally pissed if I found out a guy was only pretending to like me so he could advance his career.  Hers was primarily bad because she had to be so intrusive.  To be fair, some of what she does is harmless, like accenting his bedroom with pink blankets and teddy bears, but she also forces him to get her a Diet Coke during the final minutes of a big basketball game - that's not cool.  She also buys him a dog, which seems to bother him less than the fact that she made him blow his nose in front of his friends (I can see how that would be demeaning...), but it's a DOG.  She just threw a new responsibility into his life.  Either way, these two are both at fault and in real life, I think this relationship would just turn into a good story next time your out with friends.  But it's a movie, not reality, and all one needs to do to solve all problems is chase the object of their affection on a motorcycle across a bridge.


I understand that these movies aren't supposed to represent real life, but all I'm trying to say is if you actually think about the actions these people take and how well it works our for them compared to how ridiculous people find it if you text someone back too quickly - it's laughable.  When watching these movies, people can be deluded into thinking all you need to do is stalk the girl or play music outside her house or act uninterested or be adorably clumsy.  I don't know how you should actually attempt to get someone to like you, but if you follow the rules laid out for you in romantic comedies, I'm pretty sure you'll end up alone.